I’ve written in ‘Measuring Up’ about the article by Havi Carel in the RSA’s Journal. Aside from her positive attitude towards incurable disease and ability to get the most out of every day, I was struck be her point about the way she is treated.
She talks about the way people deal with her as if the illness is the whole person. But clearly it is not. “It’s odd how well we ‘do’ happiness”, she says and observes that were not articulate or emotionally equipped to deal with the negative emotions in our lives.
So how do we deal with this sort of thing at work? I flinched when I read about friends not contacting her in order to ‘give her space’ which, although well-meaning, in reality equated to loneliness for her. My discomfort was because I know I have done exactly this to a good friend – and I should know better.
So if someone at work is dealing with grief, illness, personal difficulty – do you just ignore it because you’re uncomfortable, or do you ask how they are doing? Do you talk to the whole person, or is it just more comfortable to talk to the work persona alone. Gentle, caring enquiry may be exactly what they need to be able to talk about their situation. And having someone to talk to at work makes it a much warmer place.
And if we consider the workplace as a whole, if people are more empathetic and supportive of each other, like osmosis it filters through to other activities and aspects of work. People help each other, are more aware of individual pressures and support colleagues more readily, all of which equates to a much more friendly workplace.
Article by Vandy Massey
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